Satisfaction

This always sounds like the fun part of self care and it is the part that wellness articles focus on.  Book a spa day!  Eat some chocolate!  Have a glass of wine!  Embrace some hygge in your life!  In this post I am going to talk about hedonic adaptation and why this type of self care, although important, is much more internal than external.

Crosstalk

When you really stop and consider yourself as an infant, it makes sense that at some level we equate the pleasure of a sugary drink, especially of a warm sugary drink with the unparalleled comfort and security of being held, fed and soothed in warm parental arms.  And for most of human history, this behaviour of eating and drinking for comfort, had no negative consequences.  However, we humans got better and better at needing to do less physical labour and better and better at making our food sweeter and bigger and the consequence is that obesity rates around the world are rising.  Obesity is not in and of itself a problem and certainly there are many unhealthy slim people and many healthy overweight people, but on a population level, extra weight on the body increases the risks of chronic illnesses such as high blood pressure, diabetes, osteoarthritis, fatty liver and so on.  When food was sometimes scarce and people did hard physical work all day, excess calories were easily consumed in times of plenty and burned off in times of scarcity.

Hedonic Adaptation

Another concept which comes into play in this area is the idea of hedonistic adaptation.  Basically, the physiology of most pleasurable sensations is that when repeated too frequently, more stimulation is needed to reach the same level of pleasure.  If you omit flour and sugar from your diet for a month, I guarantee that a strawberry you might have found sour at the beginning of the month will taste quite sweet.  We easily become bored with the same things – if you hardly ever order in, pizza night is a delight; if you order in all the time, pizza holds no allure.  Fortunately this hedonistic adaptation can be used to your advantage.

For example, if you cook something on Sunday and pack the same thing for lunch every day at work, then your more varied suppers or weekend lunches will be more appealing without adding extra fat, sugar and salt.  If you drink home coffee daily, then an occasional latte at a coffee shop will be a true treat.  If you mostly take books out of the library, putting yourself on a waitlist for each, then if you occasionally buy yourself one, you will enjoy it more.

In other words, self-imposed restrictions on gratification make for a more intensely pleasurable experience when you choose to act.

Another way to increase pleasure in your life is to really take note of natural pleasures when they happen.  Experiences such as a warm shower, a sunny day, fresh air, bird song, a beautiful flower, a cuddly pet or child – these are natural and common place pleasures.  I think Rick Hanson’s acronym HEAL is very helpful for practical tips on how to do this.

• Have a positive experience
• Enhance it (lean into it and really enjoy it)
• Absorb it (take it into yourself)\
• Link it (deliberately link it to its corresponding negative emotion)

Internal vs External Pleasure

The most important aspect of cultivating more satisfaction in your life is to realize that the external prop – a bath, a scented candle, a favourite meal, a glass of wine, a sunny day, a snuggly child are all irrelevant to why you feel good when you interact with them.

You feel good in the bath because you feel pampered, relaxed, soothed, luxurious, important.

You feel good with the scented candle because you bought it for yourself or someone you like bought it for you and because the scents evoke memories of places you enjoy being.

You feel good with a snuggly child because you think positively about the child and your role as a parent or relative to them and you feel safe and connected.

The truth is that you can feel all of these good and warm feelings without the external prompt or prop.  You can close your eyes, drop into a meditation, and cultivate feelings of safety, comfort, love, connection, importance and so on.  If you spend time cultivating the skills of meditation and mindfulness, it becomes easier to drop into the sea of positive emotion when you wish to.  And when there is an external prompt which generates negative emotion in response, such as the death of a loved one or being cut off in traffic, you can lean into grief if you want to, and you can let your momentary irritation pass by.

TL;DR

Leaning into natural pleasures can create just as intense feelings of satisfaction as a bowl of ice cream.  Beware of hedonic adaptation and use delayed gratification to really enhance the pleasurable feelings obtained from indulging yourself.  Practice mindfulness and meditation so you become more able to be present with pleasure and allow pain to pass you by.